As much as I try to stay positive about the happening current events, I guess we can call them, something always gets the best of me. I may not have my health, at the moment, but it also could be much worse. I have many blessings in my life to be thankful and grateful for and there’s not a day that goes by I don’t remember that. Still, I can’t help but feel lost, stuck, and like I’m not getting anywhere.
But that’s life, right? You take the good with the bad, the happy and the sad. Life doesn’t stop and wait for you to catch up. Life doesn’t give you half-times. It keeps going, no matter what, even if it feels like yours came to a screeching halt—life goes on. But it’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel stuck. Oddly enough, it shows strength. It shows that you’ve been fighting with all that you have towards your current struggle and sometimes, you just need to take a good hard look at everything, regroup, and find your place again.
Taking it one day at a time is easier said than done. You can’t just karate kick out all the overwhelming thoughts nestling inside your head. Sure, there’s meditation, Yoga, etc.—but there’s more to calming a restless mind than that. Everyone tells you not to think about everything all at once. Like that’s going to happen. It all comes down to time. A simple four letter word, yet is so, so precious to us. The least we can do is just make it through the day. Pain free would be nice, but hey, you’re still ticking, you’re still here–and that counts for something. That counts for a lot. There are going to be days where all you do is just lie there and breathe. And sometimes, that’s going to have to be enough.
This might not be the ideal layout you pictured for yourself–loss of job, friendships, relationships, and practically being disabled. We have to live with the current situation that has been curveballed at us, laugh at the what-the-hell moments, love and spend time with our dear ones, deal with the losses, learn from and cherish every single moment, and then repeat. Life can be as simple as directions on the back of a shampoo bottle. But to experience such simplicity, we have to take our time, at our own pace. And as I always have said, you’ll get there when you get there.
So, until you get where you want to be, where you picture yourself, make a list. A bucket list. A temporary realistic, bucket list. Some people want to go sky-diving, some people just want to make the walk to their mailbox. Here’s my temporary bucket list:
. Clean/organize desk
. Attend Sunday mass
. Plan for a friend to visit
. Play video games with my brother
. Eat more sufficient meals/snacks (Thanks to Infectiously Optimistic’s blog for the inspiration I needed!)
. Go places with my family
. Register for TurnTheCorner’s Lyme Disease walk again (It will be my second year walking. I can do this!)
. Visit my grandma more
. Drink more water
. Try to see the good in every outcome
And with that last goal I’d like to fulfill, I will be posting something positive each day for a month. I could post a picture that I either found online that inspired me/gave me hope, a picture that I have taken and wanted to share (the pictures I have posted so far have been taken and edited by me, even my header.), or maybe I’ll write an entry or post both. The possibilities are endless and I am ready for the challenge. I know this will not only be a good exercise for me, but I’m hoping it will inspire others, as well.
No matter how many doctor appointments end with me in tears, no matter how bad the pain is, no matter how trapped I feel in my own body, there will be something better on the other side of all this. There WILL. And I’ll get there when I get there. So will YOU.
I thank you for letting me continue being your voice.
Healing thoughts and prayers to all,