Tag Archives: decisions

I’m still me.

I’m still my father’s little girl, my mother’s best friend and my brother’s sister. I’m still your cousin, your niece and your granddaughter. I’m still the friend that will make you laugh and the friend that will always be there. I’m still the girl you can talk to about anything, the girl who will cry with you and tell you it’s going to be alright. I’m still the friend you can call up out of the blue and pick up right where we left off. I’m still the girl who will stick up for you, remind you of your strengths and tell you how much you matter. I’m still the friend that will always try and make everything okay, the friend that will gladly go out of their way for you and who will always try to make you smile. I’m still the friend who will always care about you, the friend you did everything with and the friend you considered a sister.

 

I’m still her.

 

I’m still me.

 

I’m the girl that hasn’t given up, the girl that battles Lyme Disease every single day and the girl who won’t go down without a fight. I’m the friend that is mostly confined to her bed, the friend who can’t help how she feels and the friend that doesn’t mean to keep losing touch. I’m the girl who just wants someone to love her through the good days and the bad days, the girl who is tired of being defined by others because of her illness and the girl who just wants to feel better again.

 

I may be her, but I’m still me.

 

 

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate

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Seeing The Good: Day 13

I dislike the feeling of constant tension in the air. It’s always lingering, just waiting to burst without warning at any second. Whether it’s a breakdown or an argument, there’s tension surrounding you, whether you’re apart of that particular situation or not. If you’re apart of that heat of the moment discussion, you feel battered, helpless. If you find yourself on the sidelines, you feel the same

There’s really no right way to approach these situations. You either let them run their course or try to say your peace. In the end, there’s really no way of knowing how anything will pan out. It’s not always in our hands.

When you’re chronically ill, there’s not a day that you’re not constantly thinking about all the “what if’s”, the debt that you’re in, and hoping one day you’ll be given an answer to the cause of your pain, why you’re so sick. You watch your family sorting out bills, getting into discussions about this doctor and that doctor. And then there are days where you’re not apart of a now different growing tension, a different elephant in the room. Something you have no part in. Something you have no say in. But it’s there, all around you and there’s nothing you can do. But you wish you could make things different, wish you could make things better for those involved.

Some things are out of our control. All we can do is just try to accept what is and what isn’t. Whatever the situation, you do have the power to let go, to forgive. And the tension that is swirling around you caused by others, all you can do is wait for the storm to pass, as helpless as you feel.

It’s time to let go of all the tension that is weighing you down, that feels as if it’s all just piled up on your chest–and let your heart beat freely, free of any worries.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing the Good: Day 9

Some days, it’s hard to see the good. No matter how hard you try to see through the pain, you can’t see over to the other side.

Breathe..

Wipe away the tears, clear your head and take a minute to remind yourself how far you’ve come–because darling, you are one day closer to seeing over to the other side and one day closer to actually living it. It hurts and you feel tomorrow will bring only the same pain. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t.

But we won’t find out if we let this all slip away. Don’t let it slip away. You ARE strong and WILL rise with the morning sun the next day. You never know what the new day can bring.

Be thankful for your existence. Be thankful for this life. I know you wish it was different. Your day will come.

Sending love and strength your way, always.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 7

We’re going to have “what if” moments. We’re going to constantly wonder, if we did things differently, would we still end up living the life we’re living today. We can’t. We’re not going to find the answer–because most of the time, there isn’t one. There isn’t an answer for how and why things panned out the way they did. There isn’t a reason for why we became ill, why we have been chosen for this fight. We may think there is and we’ll just continuously torture ourselves by prying and prying through the past, rethinking decisions, what we could have done differently.

What’s done is done. It is what it is. There’s no going back. This is the hand of cards we have been dealt with, even if they currently seem like a bad batch. We need to stay focus on this moment and this moment only. We need to deal with our given situation. We don’t need to keep adding to it.

It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to look in the rear-view mirror from time to time. Just don’t lose your focus on the now. Thinking back on happier times and when your health wasn’t such a concern really hits you hard, I understand that. That life, what was, is something we’ve let go, we had to let go. We’ll get that life back, we will. Could be something along the lines of the one we started with or you can choose to make it better. The reins are in your hands. The only decision you’d have to decide is if that’s what you want. And why wouldn’t you want a chance to start over, to come out of a struggle with a clean slate–and a clean bill of health?

Thoughts will creep in. Let them. Letting go isn’t just something you do once, it’s something you do and learn to do, every single day.

Some of my posts may come across confusing and negative at times, but I do hope you can see my positive points and that I’m trying. That I’m trying my hardest to be your voice and especially, a voice of my own. Making the decision to speak out, to voice my thoughts and opinions are not only difficult, yet has changed my life for the better. I know I’m not alone–but I did surround myself with one’s that made me feel like I was. Even though I’ve made that realization, my decision, it’s a feeling that’s hard to forget. You can’t forget how something once made you feel, but you can learn from it. And the best part is that we can learn together.

I’ll conclude with this, “It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.” -James Thurber

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate