Tag Archives: depression

Seeing The Good: Day 6

Always remember to smile. You never know whose day you’ll end up brightening. You never know just how much a smile can make a difference when it’s you that is going through such a drag of a day–and you make eye contact with someone who is smiling at you. The feeling is indescribable.

A big thank you to the barista at Starbucks today. And for calling me “Smiley”.

Smile. Share it with someone who’d least expect it, who has no choice, but to smile back.

My Smile

Healing thoughts and prayers (and smiles) to all-

Kate

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Seeing The Good: Day 5

Sometimes our thoughts get the best of us. They become these heavy, heavy weights, always weighing us down like an anchor that makes us feel as if we’ll never see the shore again.

Remarks from loved ones in the past come out of hiding, only adding to the weight along with painful memories. What could have been, should have been. Remembering when you were well, when you didn’t spend all your time borrowing in your room, away from the word. All these thoughts leave us feeling helpless and buried alive.

When there is no hand to reach for, look to your own. When there is no one there to tell you it will be alright, whisper it to yourself. When you find yourself in tears, “Cry as hard as you want to. But just make sure that when you stop crying, you never cry for the same reason again.”

We carry a lot. And we need to remember to give ourselves credit, for all that we do, all that we face and haunts us on a daily basis.

One day at a time, one day at a time.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 4

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve the world–and nothing less.

Never, never forget that.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 3

Someone who I dearly admire and has such a great influence in my life recently said to me that if they were going through a similar situation as mine at my age, they would have given up.

I’d be lying if I said the thought of giving up never crossed my mine. Not in the I-would-take-my-life sense, but just accepting that this is it, nothing is ever going to improve. If I did believe that, I wouldn’t be writing this post, I wouldn’t have started this blog, I wouldn’t be trying to be your voice. I do know things will get better, even when it doesn’t feel like they will, at times. But you have to hang on to something in this life. Anything. A strangers smile. Catching a sunset. Something that makes you feel worth it, something that gives you the courage to conquer the next day and the next day after that.

And you don’t need someones promise, someones word to make you feel worth it in this world. YOU need to know that you’re worth it–because you are. No matter how helpless you feel, no matter how empty, broken, and lost you feel, you’re worth it. You’re worth the fight that you’re fighting every single day.

You’re stronger than you know.

And I guess I am, too.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 2

 

Keep hanging in there. We’ll get through this. Be thankful for this moment, no matter how difficult it may be. It won’t last forever.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Live, Laugh, Love, Lose, Learn, Repeat.

As much as I try to stay positive about the happening current events, I guess we can call them, something always gets the best of me. I may not have my health, at the moment, but it also could be much worse. I have many blessings in my life to be thankful and grateful for and there’s not a day that goes by I don’t remember that. Still, I can’t help but feel lost, stuck, and like I’m not getting anywhere.

But that’s life, right? You take the good with the bad, the happy and the sad. Life doesn’t stop and wait for you to catch up. Life doesn’t give you half-times. It keeps going, no matter what, even if it feels like yours came to a screeching halt—life goes on. But it’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel stuck. Oddly enough, it shows strength. It shows that you’ve been fighting with all that you have towards your current struggle and sometimes, you just need to take a good hard look at everything, regroup, and find your place again.

Taking it one day at a time is easier said than done. You can’t just karate kick out all the overwhelming thoughts nestling inside your head. Sure, there’s meditation, Yoga, etc.—but there’s more to calming a restless mind than that. Everyone tells you not to think about everything all at once. Like that’s going to happen. It all comes down to time. A simple four letter word, yet is so, so precious to us. The least we can do is just make it through the day. Pain free would be nice, but hey, you’re still ticking, you’re still here–and that counts for something. That counts for a lot. There are going to be days where all you do is just lie there and breathe. And sometimes, that’s going to have to be enough.

This might not be the ideal layout you pictured for yourself–loss of job, friendships, relationships, and practically being disabled. We have to live with the current situation that has been curveballed at us, laugh at the what-the-hell moments, love and spend time with our dear ones, deal with the losses, learn from and cherish every single moment, and then repeat. Life can be as simple as directions on the back of a shampoo bottle. But to experience such simplicity, we have to take our time, at our own pace. And as I always have said, you’ll get there when you get there.

So, until you get where you want to be, where you picture yourself, make a list. A bucket list. A temporary realistic, bucket list. Some people want to go sky-diving, some people just want to make the walk to their mailbox. Here’s my temporary bucket list:

. Clean/organize desk

.  Attend Sunday mass

. Plan for a friend to visit

. Play video games with my brother

. Eat more sufficient meals/snacks (Thanks to Infectiously Optimistic’s blog for the inspiration I needed!)

. Go places with my family

. Register for TurnTheCorner’s Lyme Disease walk again (It will be my second year walking. I can do this!)

. Visit my grandma more

.  Drink more water

. Try to see the good in every outcome

And with that last goal I’d like to fulfill, I will be posting something positive each day for a month. I could post a picture that I either found online that inspired me/gave me hope, a picture that I have taken and wanted to share (the pictures I have posted so far have been taken and edited by me, even my header.), or maybe I’ll write an entry or post both. The possibilities are endless and I am ready for the challenge. I know this will not only be a good exercise for me, but I’m hoping it will inspire others, as well.

No matter how many doctor appointments end with me in tears, no matter how bad the pain is, no matter how trapped I feel in my own body, there will be something better on the other side of all this. There WILL. And I’ll get there when I get there. So will YOU.

I thank you for letting me continue being your voice.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate

Getting By.

Hope can always be seen.

My mind is both blank and racing at the same time. There’s so much that I want to say, yet, I just can’t unscramble all my thoughts. Difficult doesn’t even begin to describe these past few weeks—but I say that in every post, whenever I catch up with someone after they haven’t heard from me in a while, and to doctors, especially. You think it can’t possibly get any worse, then it does. I guess that’s why I appropriately titled this entry “getting by” because some days–most days–you have to remind yourself why you’ve hanged on this long in the first place.

Doctor visits are becoming more frequent, co-pays and bills continue to pile up, and collection agencies call every hour of every day. The Emergency Room is no use because I’ve already had every test done under the sun and have had my share of radiation for the next ten years. And the doctor that diagnosed me with Lyme Disease said there’s nothing he can do for me anymore. So, forgive me for breaking. Another doctor promised he’d find the cause of my stomach pain, did numerous tests, came up with a diagnosis, and dropped off the face of the earth when my insurance couldn’t cover this certain “miracle drug”. And here I am, still hoping for answers, still hanging on.

Be thankful for the loved ones already in your life and quit worrying again about the ones that just no longer fit. Not just because it’s the holiday season, but always. A dear friend reminded me that just because I’m ill, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be happy. It’s taken a while to believe and accept that. Meanwhile, that’s all I tell my friends when they’re at their lowest, to never let anything get in between of you and your heart, no matter what.

What I’m trying to say is, there are going to be speed bumps and other obstacles that are going to try to run you off course, distracting you from what’s most important: your life, your recovery. But you can’t get distracted, you can’t take your eyes off the road. You need to keep looking forward, through the pain, the tears, the moments when you just don’t think you can do this anymore, and fight. Fight through your weakest days, force yourself to see the sun every morning. When it all goes black, you will no longer be able to see why you’ve hanged to this precious life for so long. But if you keep looking forward, keep your eyes open, you’ll see things you’ve never seen, never realized before. I can’t tell you what you’ll see, but I can tell you it would be a shame to just give it all up, without ever getting the chance to. “There’s too much beauty to quit.”

There’s nothing wrong with just “getting by”. At least you’re still going.

Happy Holidays to all. My goal for the New Year is to submit posts more regularly, to continue being your voice. (((Sending strength and love)))

And as always, healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate