Tag Archives: letting go

I’m still me.

I’m still my father’s little girl, my mother’s best friend and my brother’s sister. I’m still your cousin, your niece and your granddaughter. I’m still the friend that will make you laugh and the friend that will always be there. I’m still the girl you can talk to about anything, the girl who will cry with you and tell you it’s going to be alright. I’m still the friend you can call up out of the blue and pick up right where we left off. I’m still the girl who will stick up for you, remind you of your strengths and tell you how much you matter. I’m still the friend that will always try and make everything okay, the friend that will gladly go out of their way for you and who will always try to make you smile. I’m still the friend who will always care about you, the friend you did everything with and the friend you considered a sister.

 

I’m still her.

 

I’m still me.

 

I’m the girl that hasn’t given up, the girl that battles Lyme Disease every single day and the girl who won’t go down without a fight. I’m the friend that is mostly confined to her bed, the friend who can’t help how she feels and the friend that doesn’t mean to keep losing touch. I’m the girl who just wants someone to love her through the good days and the bad days, the girl who is tired of being defined by others because of her illness and the girl who just wants to feel better again.

 

I may be her, but I’m still me.

 

 

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate

“I didn’t come this far to only come this far.”

My name is Kate. I’m 26, I haven’t gone to college, the only relationship I have is with my bed (or sometimes the couch) and I’m trying to get back on my feet again after fighting Lyme Disease for most of my life.

Some of that may sound familiar since I originally wrote it in an earlier post back when I first started this blog. I wish my absence meant I’ve only been improving but, that’s unfortunately not the case. In the posts-to-come, I’ll be sure to update you on my continuous fight with Lyme and all the difficulties you must face dealing with a chronic illness such as the loss of friendships, relationships, independence and how many, many, many of us are not giving ourselves the credit we truly do deserve. We’re still fighting, we’re still here. That means something, right?

Most don’t have a clue what someone with a chronic illness goes through on a daily basis. We can’t help it if we can’t make it out of bed most days, are unable to eat, think clearly, hold a conversation, move without wincing in pain, always needing the bathroom, not feeling up to getting out of the house, glued to our heating pad, need the room dark because of a terrible migraine, so nauseous you can’t even speak, curled up in a ball because of intense stomach pain, hit the point of exhaustion where you just can’t keep your eyes open–and much more.

For those of you not familiar with my blog, it’s about how Lyme Disease both takes time from you as well as takes time to recover from. You can also expect posts about some of my favorite recipes as well as products I enjoy. I do take the time to share experiences on how numerous doctor appointments left me in tears, to friends and relatives not being able to understand. I know there is someone, somewhere who has yet to be diagnosed or recently was and honestly can’t find themselves more lost just as I once was. I still find myself lost a great deal of the time, but as the title of this post states, “I didn’t come this far to only come this far.” As I continue giving this fight my all, you can count on me being your voice as well as bringing much needed awareness to this truly controversial disease that continues to wreak havoc on so many lives each and every day.

 

You’re not alone.

 

“Strength grows in moments when you think you can’t go on but you keep going anyway.”

 

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

 

Kate

 

Seeing The Good: Day 30

Today concludes the ‘Seeing The Good’ series. A whole month dedicated to posting positive thoughts, images, quotes, etc. To be honest, I didn’t think I would stick to it. There were days where just thinking about writing a post exhausted me. But I did it. And I’m glad I did.

Frustration, joy, anger, happiness. Long story short, it’s been a month of back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth. “That’s what life is: repetitive routines. It’s a matter of finding the balance between deviating from those patterns and knowing when to repeat them.”Joseph Gordon-Levitt Whether yet another doctor’s appointment left me without answers and in tears, or just being happy to have the energy to do my laundry, it has all been an experience. I’m very grateful that a recent ER visit for my mother ended up being minor when it could have been much worse. I’m also thankful for my father celebrating another birthday. He was diagnosed with Myocarditis when I was very young and he continues to prove doctors wrong each day. We have this moment and only this moment for sure. Cherish it, always.

I will no doubt learn from this past month more so than others, frankly because while the happening events were evolving, I was concentrating on the positive effects that they would have on me. And that, is a very difficult thing to do.“Life isn’t about what happens to you, it’s about how you handle what happens.” Maybe someone who is not suffering from a chronic illness will find that seeing the good is not that difficult at all. Or, maybe they’ll find that it is. I have always been the optimistic type, but pessimistic thoughts do seep in time to time, unfortunately getting the best of me. We all have our down moments. The best way to stay focus on the positive is to appreciate the little things in life. You’ll be surprised how such small acts of kindness take up the most room in your heart.

It’s been a difficult past few weeks, but sticking to this challenge made it all the more bearable, all the more worth it. “Life is about change, sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s beautiful, but most of the time it’s both.” From new followers to such supportive, kind-hearted comments, I sincerely can not thank you all enough for accompanying me by my side this past month. And I’ll continue to stay right by your side, and most importantly, being your voice.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts on the ‘Seeing The Good’ series and if that’s something you’d like to look forward to again. You’re welcome to suggest topics, ask questions, and I’m certainly up for other blog/sites/etc. recommendations, as well. I’m hoping to continue sticking to my goal of posting more often. You will definitely be hearing from me again soon.

Until then, Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.”Helen Keller

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 21

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 17 & 18

Some days, there’s no escaping the pain. The dreaded ache and hurt, pulsating throughout your body, head to toe. On days like this, the only emotion you’re able to express is fear. You’re scared, you feel the pain will never end, and you’re just completely overcome by tears.

Relief will come, relief will come.

It’s hard to explain our pain to others. Not only is it difficult to describe, but that’s just it; it’s indescribable. Remember to be eternally grateful for those around you that continue to remain by your side, even if there’s no communication involved, just tears. “Tears are words the heart can’t express.”

When you find yourself thinking of dear ones no longer apart of your life or the ones that have joined the heavens above, take a moment to relish in those precious memories, then pick your chin up, and continue on. For there is a reason the ones no longer apart of your life are gone and have gone their separate ways. Trying to figure out that reason is always the most painful and therefore, you should just let it go, let it be. And the dear ones that have already walked the staircase to the glorious heavens above, they are always, always with you. Never forget that.

On that note, I’d like to take the time to remember the beloved Whitney Houston. Her death is yet another painful reminder that life is so very short and time is precious. My heart goes out to her family and loved ones. Sending them all much strength and love. Whitney, you will never be forgotten.

Tomorrow is never promised. Always say I love you.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 13

I dislike the feeling of constant tension in the air. It’s always lingering, just waiting to burst without warning at any second. Whether it’s a breakdown or an argument, there’s tension surrounding you, whether you’re apart of that particular situation or not. If you’re apart of that heat of the moment discussion, you feel battered, helpless. If you find yourself on the sidelines, you feel the same

There’s really no right way to approach these situations. You either let them run their course or try to say your peace. In the end, there’s really no way of knowing how anything will pan out. It’s not always in our hands.

When you’re chronically ill, there’s not a day that you’re not constantly thinking about all the “what if’s”, the debt that you’re in, and hoping one day you’ll be given an answer to the cause of your pain, why you’re so sick. You watch your family sorting out bills, getting into discussions about this doctor and that doctor. And then there are days where you’re not apart of a now different growing tension, a different elephant in the room. Something you have no part in. Something you have no say in. But it’s there, all around you and there’s nothing you can do. But you wish you could make things different, wish you could make things better for those involved.

Some things are out of our control. All we can do is just try to accept what is and what isn’t. Whatever the situation, you do have the power to let go, to forgive. And the tension that is swirling around you caused by others, all you can do is wait for the storm to pass, as helpless as you feel.

It’s time to let go of all the tension that is weighing you down, that feels as if it’s all just piled up on your chest–and let your heart beat freely, free of any worries.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 7

We’re going to have “what if” moments. We’re going to constantly wonder, if we did things differently, would we still end up living the life we’re living today. We can’t. We’re not going to find the answer–because most of the time, there isn’t one. There isn’t an answer for how and why things panned out the way they did. There isn’t a reason for why we became ill, why we have been chosen for this fight. We may think there is and we’ll just continuously torture ourselves by prying and prying through the past, rethinking decisions, what we could have done differently.

What’s done is done. It is what it is. There’s no going back. This is the hand of cards we have been dealt with, even if they currently seem like a bad batch. We need to stay focus on this moment and this moment only. We need to deal with our given situation. We don’t need to keep adding to it.

It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to look in the rear-view mirror from time to time. Just don’t lose your focus on the now. Thinking back on happier times and when your health wasn’t such a concern really hits you hard, I understand that. That life, what was, is something we’ve let go, we had to let go. We’ll get that life back, we will. Could be something along the lines of the one we started with or you can choose to make it better. The reins are in your hands. The only decision you’d have to decide is if that’s what you want. And why wouldn’t you want a chance to start over, to come out of a struggle with a clean slate–and a clean bill of health?

Thoughts will creep in. Let them. Letting go isn’t just something you do once, it’s something you do and learn to do, every single day.

Some of my posts may come across confusing and negative at times, but I do hope you can see my positive points and that I’m trying. That I’m trying my hardest to be your voice and especially, a voice of my own. Making the decision to speak out, to voice my thoughts and opinions are not only difficult, yet has changed my life for the better. I know I’m not alone–but I did surround myself with one’s that made me feel like I was. Even though I’ve made that realization, my decision, it’s a feeling that’s hard to forget. You can’t forget how something once made you feel, but you can learn from it. And the best part is that we can learn together.

I’ll conclude with this, “It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.” -James Thurber

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate