I’m still my father’s little girl, my mother’s best friend and my brother’s sister. I’m still your cousin, your niece and your granddaughter. I’m still the friend that will make you laugh and the friend that will always be there. I’m still the girl you can talk to about anything, the girl who will cry with you and tell you it’s going to be alright. I’m still the friend you can call up out of the blue and pick up right where we left off. I’m still the girl who will stick up for you, remind you of your strengths and tell you how much you matter. I’m still the friend that will always try and make everything okay, the friend that will gladly go out of their way for you and who will always try to make you smile. I’m still the friend who will always care about you, the friend you did everything with and the friend you considered a sister.
I’m still her.
I’m still me.
I’m the girl that hasn’t given up, the girl that battles Lyme Disease every single day and the girl who won’t go down without a fight. I’m the friend that is mostly confined to her bed, the friend who can’t help how she feels and the friend that doesn’t mean to keep losing touch. I’m the girl who just wants someone to love her through the good days and the bad days, the girl who is tired of being defined by others because of her illness and the girl who just wants to feel better again.
I may be her, but I’m still me.
Healing thoughts and prayers to all,
Posted in Chronic Illness, Depression, Health, Invisible Illness, Life, Love, Lyme Disease
Tagged accepting, age, alone, anger, anxiety, appreciation, burden, chronic fatigue, chronic illness, chronic pain, chronically ill, conquer, courage, decisions, depression, difficult, faith, family, fear, fibromyalgia, friendships, frustration, gastroparesis, happiness, helpless, hope, IBS, independence, inspiring, invisible illness, joy, keep your chin up, letting go, lost, love, lupus, lyme, lyme disease, make a difference, meant to be, memories, mental illness, moving on, never give up, not okay, pain, relationships, relief, rheumatoid arthritis, romance, scared, simple joys, strength, suffering, tension, thankful, the past, this too shall pass, thoughts, tough times, walls, what if, work in progress, worth it
I don’t think most of us give ourselves the credit we deserve. We’re faced with such a challenge, each and every day, yet, we still manage to crack a smile, help with things around the house when we can, attend social gatherings even when we feel the absolute worst–but still feel like a burden, still feel incredibly helpless.
I can’t count how many times my folks have told me to stop apologizing over everything. When I break, I say I’m sorry. When I’m buckled over in pain and can’t move, I say I’m sorry. Even though we have no control how we are going to feel the very next minute, we just can’t help but feel like a bother, no matter what.
We feel the way we do because we care. We care about the ones around us and try to be strong for them. And when we feel we have let them down, we can’t help but apologize. That is why we stray from dear ones because we will do whatever we can to prevent them from seeing us in pain.
On days when the pain is bearable, you can show your appreciation in little ways, such as washing a few dishes or loading the dishwasher. You can organize the messy stack of newspapers and magazines which have collected on the floor. Anything you can think of, give it a try. Just don’t push yourself. I can’t begin to tell you the times I pushed myself out of frustration because I sincerely hate the fact that simple every day chores are becoming such a difficult task for me. I’m sure I’m not alone in this and that, you too, have done the same.
You really shouldn’t worry about what you can and can’t do. I know it’s easier said than done. Your loved ones know you’re trying, I can tell you that. They may not show it or act like it. That’s their way of coping.
So, give yourself the credit you so very much deserve. You’ve been through a heck of a lot. And you do more than you truly realize.
Healing thoughts and prayers to all-
Posted in Chronic Illness, Depression, Invisible Illness, Life, Lyme Disease
Tagged burden, chronic pain, difficult, family, friendships, lyme, lyme disease, pain, relationships, strength