I’m still me.

I’m still my father’s little girl, my mother’s best friend and my brother’s sister. I’m still your cousin, your niece and your granddaughter. I’m still the friend that will make you laugh and the friend that will always be there. I’m still the girl you can talk to about anything, the girl who will cry with you and tell you it’s going to be alright. I’m still the friend you can call up out of the blue and pick up right where we left off. I’m still the girl who will stick up for you, remind you of your strengths and tell you how much you matter. I’m still the friend that will always try and make everything okay, the friend that will gladly go out of their way for you and who will always try to make you smile. I’m still the friend who will always care about you, the friend you did everything with and the friend you considered a sister.

 

I’m still her.

 

I’m still me.

 

I’m the girl that hasn’t given up, the girl that battles Lyme Disease every single day and the girl who won’t go down without a fight. I’m the friend that is mostly confined to her bed, the friend who can’t help how she feels and the friend that doesn’t mean to keep losing touch. I’m the girl who just wants someone to love her through the good days and the bad days, the girl who is tired of being defined by others because of her illness and the girl who just wants to feel better again.

 

I may be her, but I’m still me.

 

 

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate

“I didn’t come this far to only come this far.”

My name is Kate. I’m 26, I haven’t gone to college, the only relationship I have is with my bed (or sometimes the couch) and I’m trying to get back on my feet again after fighting Lyme Disease for most of my life.

Some of that may sound familiar since I originally wrote it in an earlier post back when I first started this blog. I wish my absence meant I’ve only been improving but, that’s unfortunately not the case. In the posts-to-come, I’ll be sure to update you on my continuous fight with Lyme and all the difficulties you must face dealing with a chronic illness such as the loss of friendships, relationships, independence and how many, many, many of us are not giving ourselves the credit we truly do deserve. We’re still fighting, we’re still here. That means something, right?

Most don’t have a clue what someone with a chronic illness goes through on a daily basis. We can’t help it if we can’t make it out of bed most days, are unable to eat, think clearly, hold a conversation, move without wincing in pain, always needing the bathroom, not feeling up to getting out of the house, glued to our heating pad, need the room dark because of a terrible migraine, so nauseous you can’t even speak, curled up in a ball because of intense stomach pain, hit the point of exhaustion where you just can’t keep your eyes open–and much more.

For those of you not familiar with my blog, it’s about how Lyme Disease both takes time from you as well as takes time to recover from. You can also expect posts about some of my favorite recipes as well as products I enjoy. I do take the time to share experiences on how numerous doctor appointments left me in tears, to friends and relatives not being able to understand. I know there is someone, somewhere who has yet to be diagnosed or recently was and honestly can’t find themselves more lost just as I once was. I still find myself lost a great deal of the time, but as the title of this post states, “I didn’t come this far to only come this far.” As I continue giving this fight my all, you can count on me being your voice as well as bringing much needed awareness to this truly controversial disease that continues to wreak havoc on so many lives each and every day.

 

You’re not alone.

 

“Strength grows in moments when you think you can’t go on but you keep going anyway.”

 

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

 

Kate

 

Seeing The Good: Day 30

Today concludes the ‘Seeing The Good’ series. A whole month dedicated to posting positive thoughts, images, quotes, etc. To be honest, I didn’t think I would stick to it. There were days where just thinking about writing a post exhausted me. But I did it. And I’m glad I did.

Frustration, joy, anger, happiness. Long story short, it’s been a month of back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth. “That’s what life is: repetitive routines. It’s a matter of finding the balance between deviating from those patterns and knowing when to repeat them.” —Joseph Gordon-Levitt Whether yet another doctor’s appointment left me without answers and in tears, or just being happy to have the energy to do my laundry, it has all been an experience. I’m very grateful that a recent ER visit for my mother ended up being minor when it could have been much worse. I’m also thankful for my father celebrating another birthday. He was diagnosed with Myocarditis when I was very young and he continues to prove doctors wrong each day. We have this moment and only this moment for sure. Cherish it, always.

I will no doubt learn from this past month more so than others, frankly because while the happening events were evolving, I was concentrating on the positive effects that they would have on me. And that, is a very difficult thing to do.“Life isn’t about what happens to you, it’s about how you handle what happens.” Maybe someone who is not suffering from a chronic illness will find that seeing the good is not that difficult at all. Or, maybe they’ll find that it is. I have always been the optimistic type, but pessimistic thoughts do seep in time to time, unfortunately getting the best of me. We all have our down moments. The best way to stay focus on the positive is to appreciate the little things in life. You’ll be surprised how such small acts of kindness take up the most room in your heart.

It’s been a difficult past few weeks, but sticking to this challenge made it all the more bearable, all the more worth it. “Life is about change, sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s beautiful, but most of the time it’s both.” From new followers to such supportive, kind-hearted comments, I sincerely can not thank you all enough for accompanying me by my side this past month. And I’ll continue to stay right by your side, and most importantly, being your voice.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts on the ‘Seeing The Good’ series and if that’s something you’d like to look forward to again. You’re welcome to suggest topics, ask questions, and I’m certainly up for other blog/sites/etc. recommendations, as well. I’m hoping to continue sticking to my goal of posting more often. You will definitely be hearing from me again soon.

Until then, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.” —Helen Keller

Healing thoughts and prayers to all,

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 25

It’s the little things that mean the most…

 Like baking with the ones you care so much about.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

**Will post today’s Seeing The Good later. Apologies..

Seeing The Good: Day 24

“Just because you accept help from someone, doesn’t mean you have failed. It just means you’re not in it alone.”

When I first heard this quote in the film Life As We Know It, I just wanted to keep rewinding back to that same scene and watch it over and over and over. I was overcome with such relief and at the same time, fear.

Most people would say dying is their biggest fear or losing someone close. Maybe it’s getting stuck in an elevator (which I have–and survived!) or getting into a car accident. My biggest fear is losing my independence. In other words, ending up in a wheel chair. Anyone suffering from such chronic pain have days where they are just not able to go about their usual routine without some assistance. Which brings me to the relief part–I’m sincerely thankful and grateful that my family is there for me and helps me in any way that they possibly can. But I don’t want to be their sick daughter, I  want to be just their daughter. And I don’t want to be my brother’s sick sister, I want to be just his sister and only his sister. Nothing else attached. The point I’m trying to get at is, I know I’m not in this illness alone, just like the quote states, I just don’t want them or anyone else to end up being my source of dependence.

I know my family is there for me and that they want to be there. There may be times where they are unsure of what to say or do, but they are there. And most importantly, I know it. Words can’t begin to even describe how much I appreciate my parents and all that they do. My brother? He’s the best brother a sister can have. Yes, there are times where he doesn’t understand or is confused by whats going on, but having an almost 14-year-old ask me if I need anything and tells me “I love you” before he goes to bed every night, I’m truly blessed to have him by my side. I wouldn’t not want him apart of my life, no matter what the circumstance may be. I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that he told my parents he doesn’t think the “old Katie” is ever coming back. He’s right. She’s not, but the Katie that does come out on the other side of this illness will be even better–in better health and in a better mind-set about whatever else comes her way. Even while sick, I try my hardest to be there for my family and those around me as much as possible. I never feel like I have to be there, I’m just there out of the goodness of my own heart. Always have been, always will be.

 Currently, I’m trying to take down walls. I’m realizing that even when loved ones that you were once close with make you feel as if they no longer what you apart of their life, there are ones that actually want you to be apart of theirs. And have the chance to be there for you, too.

Accept help when it’s offered. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask, don’t be afraid to reach for someone’s hand. You don’t have to go this alone. And you shouldn’t. Something I need to start reminding myself.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 17 & 18

Some days, there’s no escaping the pain. The dreaded ache and hurt, pulsating throughout your body, head to toe. On days like this, the only emotion you’re able to express is fear. You’re scared, you feel the pain will never end, and you’re just completely overcome by tears.

Relief will come, relief will come.

It’s hard to explain our pain to others. Not only is it difficult to describe, but that’s just it; it’s indescribable. Remember to be eternally grateful for those around you that continue to remain by your side, even if there’s no communication involved, just tears. “Tears are words the heart can’t express.”

When you find yourself thinking of dear ones no longer apart of your life or the ones that have joined the heavens above, take a moment to relish in those precious memories, then pick your chin up, and continue on. For there is a reason the ones no longer apart of your life are gone and have gone their separate ways. Trying to figure out that reason is always the most painful and therefore, you should just let it go, let it be. And the dear ones that have already walked the staircase to the glorious heavens above, they are always, always with you. Never forget that.

On that note, I’d like to take the time to remember the beloved Whitney Houston. Her death is yet another painful reminder that life is so very short and time is precious. My heart goes out to her family and loved ones. Sending them all much strength and love. Whitney, you will never be forgotten.

Tomorrow is never promised. Always say I love you.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 15

“Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.”

Another great quote that I thought was worth sharing. We often don’t take the time to appreciate the presence of others around us. Whether its someone you actually know or not, you should always make the effort to show them just how much you do.

To the two very kind gentlemen that took the time to appreciate my presence yesterday, I thank you. When one feels their absolute worst (and looks it, too), it’s an incredible feeling to have your presence noticed, be wished Happy Valentines Day, and have the kind of conversation with one you feel as if you’ve known your whole life.

One of those gentlemen and I discussed for a lengthy amount of time how many don’t take the time to appreciate things or anything for that fact, really. What started the conversation in the first place? We were both taking photos of the same thing; swans. I went on to say how unique and beautiful they are and how I’ll just stand there, clicking away, not having a care about how many pictures I have taken, just happy that I was able to photograph that particular moment. He related, as well. He also went on saying how he love’s taking photos of friends and loved ones unexpectedly and said that is what capturing the moment is all about. I happily related, as well. I do hope our paths meet again. If not, then be it.

I’ll conclude with, you never know who will walk into your life for a brief chat–or end up being apart of it.

See with your heart and you’ll see things you’ve never taken the time to appreciate before.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 13

I dislike the feeling of constant tension in the air. It’s always lingering, just waiting to burst without warning at any second. Whether it’s a breakdown or an argument, there’s tension surrounding you, whether you’re apart of that particular situation or not. If you’re apart of that heat of the moment discussion, you feel battered, helpless. If you find yourself on the sidelines, you feel the same

There’s really no right way to approach these situations. You either let them run their course or try to say your peace. In the end, there’s really no way of knowing how anything will pan out. It’s not always in our hands.

When you’re chronically ill, there’s not a day that you’re not constantly thinking about all the “what if’s”, the debt that you’re in, and hoping one day you’ll be given an answer to the cause of your pain, why you’re so sick. You watch your family sorting out bills, getting into discussions about this doctor and that doctor. And then there are days where you’re not apart of a now different growing tension, a different elephant in the room. Something you have no part in. Something you have no say in. But it’s there, all around you and there’s nothing you can do. But you wish you could make things different, wish you could make things better for those involved.

Some things are out of our control. All we can do is just try to accept what is and what isn’t. Whatever the situation, you do have the power to let go, to forgive. And the tension that is swirling around you caused by others, all you can do is wait for the storm to pass, as helpless as you feel.

It’s time to let go of all the tension that is weighing you down, that feels as if it’s all just piled up on your chest–and let your heart beat freely, free of any worries.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 11

I don’t think most of us give ourselves the credit we deserve. We’re faced with such a challenge, each and every day, yet, we still manage to crack a smile, help with things around the house when we can, attend social gatherings even when we feel the absolute worst–but still feel like a burden, still feel incredibly helpless. 

I can’t count how many times my folks have told me to stop apologizing over everything. When I break, I say I’m sorry. When I’m buckled over in pain and can’t move, I say I’m sorry. Even though we have no control how we are going to feel the very next minute, we just can’t help but feel like a bother, no matter what.

We feel the way we do because we care. We care about the ones around us and try to be strong for them. And when we feel we have let them down, we can’t help but apologize. That is why we stray from dear ones because we will do whatever we can to prevent them from seeing us in pain.

On days when the pain is bearable, you can show your appreciation in little ways, such as washing a few dishes or loading the dishwasher. You can organize the messy stack of newspapers and magazines which have collected on the floor. Anything you can think of, give it a try. Just don’t push yourself. I can’t begin to tell you the times I pushed myself out of frustration because I sincerely hate the fact that simple every day chores are becoming such a difficult task for me. I’m sure I’m not alone in this and that, you too, have done the same.

You really shouldn’t worry about what you can and can’t do. I know it’s easier said than done. Your loved ones know you’re trying, I can tell you that. They may not show it or act like it. That’s their way of coping.

So, give yourself the credit you so very much deserve. You’ve been through a heck of a lot. And you do more than you truly realize.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate

Seeing The Good: Day 2

 

Keep hanging in there. We’ll get through this. Be thankful for this moment, no matter how difficult it may be. It won’t last forever.

Healing thoughts and prayers to all-

Kate