I’m still my father’s little girl, my mother’s best friend and my brother’s sister. I’m still your cousin, your niece and your granddaughter. I’m still the friend that will make you laugh and the friend that will always be there. I’m still the girl you can talk to about anything, the girl who will cry with you and tell you it’s going to be alright. I’m still the friend you can call up out of the blue and pick up right where we left off. I’m still the girl who will stick up for you, remind you of your strengths and tell you how much you matter. I’m still the friend that will always try and make everything okay, the friend that will gladly go out of their way for you and who will always try to make you smile. I’m still the friend who will always care about you, the friend you did everything with and the friend you considered a sister.
I’m still her.
I’m still me.
I’m the girl that hasn’t given up, the girl that battles Lyme Disease every single day and the girl who won’t go down without a fight. I’m the friend that is mostly confined to her bed, the friend who can’t help how she feels and the friend that doesn’t mean to keep losing touch. I’m the girl who just wants someone to love her through the good days and the bad days, the girl who is tired of being defined by others because of her illness and the girl who just wants to feel better again.
I may be her, but I’m still me.
Healing thoughts and prayers to all,
Posted in Chronic Illness, Depression, Health, Invisible Illness, Life, Love, Lyme Disease
Tagged accepting, age, alone, anger, anxiety, appreciation, burden, chronic fatigue, chronic illness, chronic pain, chronically ill, conquer, courage, decisions, depression, difficult, faith, family, fear, fibromyalgia, friendships, frustration, gastroparesis, happiness, helpless, hope, IBS, independence, inspiring, invisible illness, joy, keep your chin up, letting go, lost, love, lupus, lyme, lyme disease, make a difference, meant to be, memories, mental illness, moving on, never give up, not okay, pain, relationships, relief, rheumatoid arthritis, romance, scared, simple joys, strength, suffering, tension, thankful, the past, this too shall pass, thoughts, tough times, walls, what if, work in progress, worth it
I dislike the feeling of constant tension in the air. It’s always lingering, just waiting to burst without warning at any second. Whether it’s a breakdown or an argument, there’s tension surrounding you, whether you’re apart of that particular situation or not. If you’re apart of that heat of the moment discussion, you feel battered, helpless. If you find yourself on the sidelines, you feel the same
There’s really no right way to approach these situations. You either let them run their course or try to say your peace. In the end, there’s really no way of knowing how anything will pan out. It’s not always in our hands.
When you’re chronically ill, there’s not a day that you’re not constantly thinking about all the “what if’s”, the debt that you’re in, and hoping one day you’ll be given an answer to the cause of your pain, why you’re so sick. You watch your family sorting out bills, getting into discussions about this doctor and that doctor. And then there are days where you’re not apart of a now different growing tension, a different elephant in the room. Something you have no part in. Something you have no say in. But it’s there, all around you and there’s nothing you can do. But you wish you could make things different, wish you could make things better for those involved.
Some things are out of our control. All we can do is just try to accept what is and what isn’t. Whatever the situation, you do have the power to let go, to forgive. And the tension that is swirling around you caused by others, all you can do is wait for the storm to pass, as helpless as you feel.
It’s time to let go of all the tension that is weighing you down, that feels as if it’s all just piled up on your chest–and let your heart beat freely, free of any worries.
Healing thoughts and prayers to all-
Posted in Chronic Illness, Depression, Invisible Illness, Life, Lyme Disease
Tagged breakdown, decisions, disagreement, family, helpless, letting go, lyme, relationships, tension, tough times